Attitude (Politeness Counts!) by Benson Wong
“Women make 90% of the Mistakes on the Dance Floor…and it’s always the Guys’ Fault!”
This is one of the most important things that I’ve ever heard while taking classes! If you’re a leader, never blame your partner for blown leads. Think of it this way: it’s possible for a good leader to manage to lead a bad follower (just dance around the follower). It’s nearly impossible to follow a bad leader. The follower can not read minds (well, maybe…) and she can’t tell what to do if it happens to be a bad lead. Maybe it was a pretty mushy lead; I’ve done that plenty of times myself. Maybe your partner is not as advanced as you are. I tend to tone down the leads until I know my partner is comfortable with them. Note that this strategy does NOT stop you from dancing!. Ultimately, this reduces the number of arguments on and off the dance floor (Yes, dear…). The whole point is to make the two of you look like you’ve been dancing together for years. Get on with the rest of the dance.
Never, Ever, Ever Teach on the Dance Floor!
I can’t stress this enough. Unless solicited, it’s bad enough that it’s impolite to teach on the dance floor when you’re supposed to be enjoying the dance. Imagine your embarrassment if your partner had blown your lead because of a mistake you made and you decided to stop to teach her to read your lead AND she turned out to be a dance teacher? There’s a guy whom we nicknamed “Twinkle-Toes” (swing is never danced high on the toes, guys!) who would always stop a dance to show his partner the move he screwed up because she couldn’t figure out his lead.
How important is it to be the best dancer? On the professional circuit, very important. On the social scene? Not at all! The goal is “be the one with whom everyone else wants to dance“. Your task, as a dancer, is to make the dancing enjoyable for your partner. If your partner has a great time dancing with you, that energy will carry over to your own dancing and you’ll both have a good time. Let me tell you a secret: the dance experience that stands out most in my mind was with someone who had never taken a swing lesson before!
All it takes is one person to:
- Never teach on the dance floor
- Make their partner feel like every step they do is in sync with the lead/follow
- Concentrate on making their partner look better
Then all the other dancers are in trouble. Once followers find a leader with a smooth supportive lead, the other leaders who toss their partners around and are non-solicited teachers will find themselves sitting out and more importantly left out of non-dance activities. Ya know, I think we should have kept this last one our little secret.
A lead is a Suggestion, not a Command
This is another comment I picked up years ago from my dance teacher. I was told a story by a woman who was dancing with this guy and she missed a lead. He immediately stopped the dance and told her, “That’s not what I led!”. He thought she was deliberately dissing him or trying to make him look bad. Let’s face it, guys: she’s dancing with you because she wants to, not because she has to. She’s entitled to do something different as long as it doesn’t interfere with the lead. And everyone makes a mistake once in a while. Again, whose fault is it really? (see above). Spend your time dancing instead of wasting time worrying about a blown lead.
I Meant to do That!
There are times when people make mistakes on the dance floor. That’s okay! What should you do? Smile and pretend that it’s what you had wanted to do in the first place and then continue dancing. Most of the time, people on the sidelines are looking at so many different couples dancing that the time they spend looking at you is only a split-second. Will they notice your mistake? Maybe. Will they care? I doubt it. As for your partner, don’t bother with saying sorry; just keep smiling and dancing.
Do it Until She Learns It
“If you’ve just led a move and the follower says she doesn’t like it, or winces, grimaces, groans, or some such, DON’T lead it again. Don’t assume she only needs “practice” to get it. As in so many other cases, no means no!” Unless the follower says, “Do it again!”, I usually figure that she doesn’t know the move and I will try something else. If the leader persists, I usually tell the followers to grab their arms, fall down, and scream “OWWWW!”, but no one’s taken that advice yet. :^)
Dance Space
Pay attention to the people around you and how much space you have. It’s incredibly rude to run into other people because you were careless and it doesn’t improve your partner’s disposition if you throw/spin her into someone else. It’s okay to abort your move if you see danger in the adjacent space.
People Like to be Asked
This applies to both men and women, regardless of skill level. Usually women outnumber men at dances and they get tired of chasing down dance partners all the time. Some people are less assertive than others or less confident of their abilities. Some guys, especially in my case, might not have continued beyond the first dance party if we hadn’t been asked to dance by a sympathetic follower; some of us are quite shy. I’m still shy about asking strangers to dance, even after 8 years of dancing (and one of these days I’ll get the nerve to ask Ms. Ramsey or Ms. Hobby to dance…).
NOTE: “Asking” someone to dance means walking up to that person (around two feet apart is about right) and actually ask that person for a dance. DO NOT stand out on the dance floor and signal for someone to meet you out there. That is extremely rude and tells your potential dance partner that they’re not important enough for you to walk over to invite out to the dance floor.
Politeness Counts!
Everyone likes to be appreciated so don’t forget to smile and thank your dance partner for a nice dance (what you actually think is your own business). People remember kindness (or rudeness) forever and it may be important if you ever ask that person for a future dance. That clumsy beginner might become the next touring professional.
Never Criticize
It seems strange to write this one down since it should be common sense but some people forget that dancing is supposed to be fun. Some people have forgotten how it was to be a beginner; beginners need encouragement so they’ll come back and continue dancing. Some guys are extremely sensitive about moving their bodies to music in front of other people and can be scared off by criticism. It was hard enough to get them out on the dance floor! That follower who was just criticized will remember you if you ever ask her for a dance in the future.
Be aware of the unspoken criticism. If you ask someone (particularly a beginner) how long they’ve been dancing, do NOT respond with a saddened “oh” because that implies that you’re disappointed either with their progress, their level, or how long they’ve been dancing. Always answer with a positive (encouraging) tone and message in your voice.
Smile!
Some of you tend to forget that dancing is supposed to be fun! I was asking Susie who were her favourite partners. She mentioned the obvious guys whose dancing I noticed, but she made it a point to mention this one particular guy “because he smiles”. If you’re smiling because you’re having fun, your partner will be encouraged to dance with confidence because they know they’re dancing well enough to make you have a good time.
A Different Kind of Politeness
Consideration for your partner is very important. Consideration for the people around you is almost just as important. I saw this guy (we now call him Mr. “I-own-the-dancefloor“) walk through the middle of a packed dance floor, totally ignorant of all the people he was interrupting. What was so important that he couldn’t walk around the edge of the dance floor and not interrupt the dancing couples?
Also, it is the leader’s responsibility to think about where to place the partner. Do NOT throw her into nearby dancers or spectators. If she hits someone, it’s the leader’s fault. The follower should not step on the feet of a spectator standing on the sidelines because the leader should not put her there.
And finally: Never end up in the middle of a dancing couple. If I can’t see my partner anymore because you’re dancing in between us AND I’m still holding her hand in open facing position, that means you’re in the wrong place. Figure out your turf and stay there. Do not interrupt other people’s dancing and stay out of their way.
You Oughta Know Better
If you’re a dance teacher, particularly a new one, you should understand that the dance community is VERY small. You might not know or remember everyone, but they know YOU and they talk to each other. Everything you say and do will get passed around, especially the bad stuff. As the tales get spread around, they get magnified. In every class, the teacher should be polite and professional: do not insult the student (in class or in private) and do not tell the student that you can’t do anything for him or her. If they’re holding up the class, offer to work with them after the class. Perhaps a change in teaching approach or the lack of an audience might help. Remember, it takes at least 20 “attaboys!” to equal 1 “you jerk!” so it’ll take a while to recover from one bad impression (and you can bet there’s a reason why I wrote this)